I Love My Son, But I Love Him More

It was 4am in the morning that I was looking down at the little human being attached so closely to me. It still amazes me that I carried him inside of my body for 9 months. Now he's here, and he just keeps growing. Life is truly a beautiful image. I am literally growing life through my body; what a powerful concept! When he one day stands over 6 foot tall, I know I will still find myself in amazement at how little he once was and how time has transformed him into the handsome young man he will one day become.

As I was staring at his tiny little feet and his precious little toes, and I watched both his chest and belly expand with each breath, I started imagining Lincoln as the young man he will one day be. Those tiny toes and feet will be size 12's before I know it. That chest will be broad and his abdomen defined. He will no longer be able to fit across my lap and sleep so peacefully. 

That's what little sleep will do to you sometimes. You start thinking silly things. Except these silly thoughts that are so far into the future are really right before my eyes. 

At 4am I started thinking of the young man I want Lincoln to be when he grows up and the part that I will play in that. This Sunday is a special day for both Lincoln and we as his parents. Lincoln will be dedicated into the church where he will then decide when he is old enough and knows the Lord for himself, to be baptized. 

I wasn't raised the way we are choosing to raise Lincoln. I was baptized at Lincoln's age. I had no recollection other than pictures of my baptism. That's the way I was raised in the Catholic Church. All of my life growing up I was given opportunities to learn more about Jesus and what exactly He did for us; for me. But I wasn't receptive to those teachings throughout all those years. 

I wanted to be anywhere else but 'boring' ole church with my family. (I can see God shaking His head at me right now for the times I used to call his home, boring) We had religion classes from the time I was in kindergarten all throughout high school. Only when I was in my grade school years, religion classes took place every day of the week; whereas in my high school years we only attended once a week. And because it wasn't as consistent throughout the week for me in my young adolescent years, I wasn't seeing the importance in those teachings. I used to say I was going to church with my friends and instead of going to church, we'd drive around and drink beer. Now if that wasn't enough to upset the Lord, I don't know what was. Who was I to think I was too good for church?

Selfish; I was a selfish teenager. When I went off to college, life got a little more challenging in many ways and I decided I wanted to explore that area of my life again. Except every time I walked into a church, I didn't feel I belonged there. I didn't know all of the songs, I didn't know all of the prayers that were said in union in the congregation. I felt out of place. So once again, I stopped attending church. 

October 12th of 2014 I decided to get baptized again in the church I was finally able to call my 'home'; New Salem Baptist Church. I felt this lingering notion from God to get baptized again as an adult. I was ready to accept Christ into my life wholeheartedly on that day. I have never turned my back on Him ever again after that day. I realize His importance and His presence in my life. It took me awhile, but He was ready when I was ready. What a selfless God I serve to accept me after all the times I turned my shoulder on Him. 

So it is with excitement, but also great fear that I dedicate my son to the church this weekend. There's a lot of responsibility on my plate; on our plate, as parents to teach Lincoln all we know about the good Lord. I desire for him to accept Jesus into his heart at a young age. I desire to see his love for Jesus resemble the love I have for Jesus; but experiencing that love at a much younger age. I don't want to see my son go through life like I did; waiting until his 20's or later yet, to accept God into his heart. And because I am his mother, I will make sure that does not happen.

It starts with Ryan and I. We read the Bible to Lincoln every night. We take him to church every Sunday. If we aren't taking him to church, we listen to the sermon online with him. We play praise and worship songs and sing to him. We pray over him every morning. We pray every time he eats from a bottle or from the breast. We are doing all we can to lay the foundation for his most important relationship in life; His relationship with Jesus Christ.

I desire for my son to be a god-fearing, loving, kind, selfless young man. I desire for him to be a giver, a servant, a people pleaser. Society will tell you to please yourself before others and convince you that you actually deserve to be pleased first. But the Lord tells us to please others before ourselves and He reminds us that we don't 'deserve' anything. That's what His grace is. He gives grace not because we deserve it, but because He's the only one that loves us enough to see past all our wrongdoings. Nothing is promised for us here on earth, but society sure wants us to believe otherwise. 

If I put my focus on growing Lincoln's relationship with Jesus Christ, I know I will have done my will in my role of motherhood over Lincoln. This does not ensure that he is going to be a perfect little angel and live a sinless life; no, not at all. What it does mean is that Lincoln will understand how to treat others; like his mother and father, and his peers. He will understand how to love others; like his future wife. He will understand how to respect others; like his elders and his teachers. He will make bad choices at times, but he will know that his Heavenly Father loves him unconditionally and will forgive him over and over if He has to.

As I drifted off into my own sleep again this morning, I thanked my Heavenly Father for the gift of loving and teaching this child about life and about our ultimate goal of making it into eternal life with Him. There is no greater miracle than that of the creation of a child. This miracle is what has made life go on from generation to the next. I praise God for the gift of His son, Lincoln Alexander Hunter, to me. 

Spiritual Blessings Come Wrapped In Trials

I often wondered how many women felt the same way I did when they found out they were expecting to have their first child. Growing up I was never one of those girls that imagined what her dream wedding would be like. I never saw myself living in a big house with a white picket fence draped around it. I knew I one day wanted to have a child, but I wasn't expecting that one day to happen so soon. It happened before I finished my college degree. It happened before marriage. It was completely out of context for me to have a child at the age of 26 years old. At least that's what society convinced me to believe in the beginning. And because I let myself be affected by the potential opinions of society, I was actually quite devastated when I received the news.

My relationship was in no position to throw a child in the mix. I had just recently went into business on my own 3 months prior to finding out the news. My career was still in its crucial stages of growth and development. I was still having fun with my girlfriends on the weekends. Instead of grasping that I had life created inside of me, I was visualizing how my life social life was quickly coming to an end. 

Guilt hung over my shoulders every day in those first few weeks. I thought, "How could I be feeling this way when I know so many women try to conceive and cannot?" At one point in time, the guilt was so overwhelming that I found myself slipping into depression. Depression was an all too familiar feeling for me, as I once found myself in a black hole when I struggled to end my relationship with sugar. It made absolutely no sense to me how I could be feeling this way when I had life growing inside of me. 

But then one day, light started to shine into that black hole I found myself in again. I went from overwhelmed to overjoyed. My life wasn't over; it was just beginning! God thought awful highly of me in that moment of conception to grant me His blessing of a child. Sure, on paper I wasn't ready for little man to become a part of my life. Ready or not, baby's don't necessarily come at a "perfect" time. That's not how life works and that's not how blessings work. The good Lord certainly had bigger and better plans for me than I had for myself. 

Every year at the beginning of the year I create a vision board with my dreams and aspirations for the upcoming year (something new I started doing for internal motivation). My vision board included goals such as; erasing some school loan debt, dropping a few pounds, finishing my degree and growing in my business. Nowhere in there did I have a vision of marriage and family. That was saved for a later year; like 5 years later type of later year. Not only did my school loan debt add up, but I added on the debt of delivering a child (Babies are not cheap! Saving for a child really is necessary). I have yet to finish my degree, but 5 days after baby was born I enrolled in a course that is helping me publish my first book in May of this year. Instead of growing in business, I actually had to step away for a bit because my job requires me to be extremely active and I could no longer do the physical activity I once did while being pregnant. I also was put on slight bed rest a month before baby arrived leaving me without work for good. And instead of losing a few pounds for the year, I gained a whopping 40 lbs. Needless to say, I achieved very little on my vision board this last year. Believe it or not, God had better things in store for me than my own visions. 

After Lincoln arrived, my goal was to grow as a mom to be the best example for my son that I could be. I wasn't passionate about the degree I was working after, but I quickly became very passionate about motherhood. My business was at a stand still for awhile, but becoming a mother has created a whole new opportunity I would have never had in my line of work had I not become a mother. My business is at its highest peak yet to date. I may not have finished my degree this last year, and I'm still not sure if the degree I was going after was one I want to finish with, but I now have a book that I will be releasing in May (Is The Grass Really Greener? A memoir). To me, I've accomplished more in writing that book than I know I will have when I complete that degree. My relationship has evolved into a beautiful mess; rather than the disaster it once was. We are on the path to marriage; not for society's approval or for baby's sake, but because we are ready to please God in our union together. As for school debt and baby debt, God also created an opportunity for me with my business to help erase my debt sooner than I could have every dreamed of. 

I couldn't have imagined myself being here a year ago. From scared, broken, and lost, to now a feeling of joy and having a sense of purpose and insight as to where my life is going; I've come a long way. At the end of the day, I learned my lesson is to trust that His plans are greater for me than my own. He can turn your dark days into light and make you forget all about your past. It's never too late to ask for His forgiveness and turn from sin either. Once I realized that, I started worrying less and I was able to accept His gift of peace. And it was in those moments of peace that I found my purpose. 

All along, I've been searching for my purpose. What purpose do I, Elizabeth Anne Pitney, 26 years of age, serve in this world? Well, I may not know that answer fully just yet, and I may not ever know, but I do know I'm going in the right direction. Lincoln gave me a purpose. I now have a better purpose in my career specializing in working with women; mothers specifically. It was revealed to me in my journey into motherhood that writing was more than a hobby; it was my gift. Had I not gotten out of my own way, I may have never discovered these gifts. My ultimate lesson was to slow down, let go and let God. 

God was the only judge I needed to worry about; not society. The only debt I needed to worry about was the debt of not asking for forgiveness of all my sins. In asking for forgiveness, He took care of those other debts....and then some. When the days get tough, the light seems dim, remember you don't have to fight your journey on your own. The struggle is real at times. In your fight for peace, for purpose, or whatever it is, know that your arms are too short to box with God. There will be trials along the way, but stay the course and trust His plans are good for you and your blessings will be revealed to you. 

With Love, 

Liz

Intro of Mommy Blogger: Liz Pitney

Where do you go when you need peace and quiet? Who do you talk to when you need to vent? Where do you go when you just need to cry? Where do you look to for advice?

Moms, this blog is a sacred place for you to turn to in time of need; whatever that need may be. My name is Liz and I am a new mom to my precious son; Lincoln Alexander. I started this blogspot for my own personal space as a place where I could turn to and express my feelings as a new mother. Motherhood has been the most joyous, yet also the most daunting task, all at the same time. Just because I feel the bad does not make me a bad mother. And that is exactly why I wanted to create this space for other moms too. You're not alone, mama, and I'm building a community of women to show you that.

Reality is, we all struggle. Instead of feeling any amount of guilt for that, I want to encourage mamas to embrace the entire journey; the good times AND the bad times. Writing is my passion and I want to share it with you all. My writing may encourage you to write too. Journaling is a beautiful thing. It helps clear your mind of any constricting thoughts. Journaling allows you to look back and see how far you've come in your journey. It allows you to remember all those moments you wish you could relive again. And it allows you to completely unveil yourself safely.

This blog is my journal. I feel safe here in my community of other mamas. I'll say some stuff that may rub you the wrong way. I'll share my opinions of what worked for me and it may differ from what works for you. But ultimately I'm here to create a support group for those mamas in need.

I'll be sharing recipes, workouts, my go to products for both baby and I when it comes to health and wellness. I'll be sharing links to what I believe are great resources for all different types of questions you may have. I'll be completely open and honest in all that I share; that is where I came up with therawmom.com.

As a raw mom, I am bringing it all to the table. We're gonna talk about hormones, the consistency of your child's feces, why the doctor says to wait six weeks to have sexual intercourse post delivery, and we're gonna talk about how crazy, loco you may feel at times when your child cries nonstop. Yes, it's real and it's raw. It's the way it is and there's no shame to that.

At the end of the day, remember that your child needs you. Your child loves you effortlessly and you love him/her effortlessly. The way I view loving my son is the closest comparison I imagine it to be of God loving me. The love is indescribable. So, no matter what you're feeling; whether happy or sad, sleepy or energized, confused or prepared, this blog is for you. You'll find something here just for you.

I will periodically have guest bloggers on my site sharing their expertise with you too so I don't sound like a "know it all". Trust me, I'm far from a know it all. I've made it this far in the role of motherhood thanks to The Big Man Upstairs. He's guided my steps along the way and I'm doing alright because of it.

If you find yourself crying for no apparent reason at times. Or notice yourself taking longer showers for a bit of peace and quiet. Maybe you're like me and instead of receiving the compliment with praise from your hubby on how good you look, you question the incentive behind his compliments because you're still struggling to feel secure in your post baby body. When you can't get baby to stop crying, you question if you're doing this whole motherhood thing right.....I've never doubted myself more than I have now and that's because I am deeply afraid of not being good enough for this tiny human being. I want him to love me and love me always. I want to be his superhero. Is this you, too?

Together we can lift one another up when needed most. I hope this space makes you feel safe and secure in sharing your feelings too. And a little reminder as it may have been awhile since you've last heard these words, know that, you are a great mother! You are the most perfect mother for your most perfect child and you always will be.

Together we can build a community of strong and confident moms. Let's do this, mamas! Time to empower one another for our individual and unique mothering efforts instead of criticizing one another for them. Let's be raw, let's be real, and let's be reinforcing to one another. Stay tuned for more content.

Love to all the wonderful mama bears,

Liz