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| Me & Mav March 2015 |
Ok, so here I go getting all sentimental, but when putting
Maverick to bed tonight I realized that at any moment it could be the last
night I put him to bed as an “only child”, and it is so bittersweet I don’t
know if words can capture it, but I’ll try…. Recently, Ryan and I started a new
routine in preparation for the baby that will be arriving any day now. We
started splitting up the nights we put Maverick to bed. For a long time I was
doing it just about every night, but I realized I may not be able to do it all
the time once the new baby is here so it was time for Daddy to jump on the night
night train on a daily basis. At first I felt a little guilty about it because
it is one of my favorite times of day with Mav. We snuggle and rock, read books
and sing songs, and the rambunctious toddler becomes a teddy bear and it melts
my heart. Regardless, I knew I had to get Ryan involved so that when the new
baby arrives, and I can’t get Mav to bed he won’t be resentful. He’ll be used
to the new routine of mommy and daddy taking turns.
So on
the nights when it is my turn I sink into the moment. Tonight in particular I
actually started tearing up thinking about this big, long legged toddler with
his arms around my neck and his legs splayed across my big ol’ pregnant belly,
and I imagined what that must look like if someone were to take a picture…just
awesome. I tell Maverick all the time that his new baby brother will be coming
soon, and I can’t tell if he actually gets it. I talk to him about all of the
things he can help me with and all of the things he can show and teach his new
brother, and he looks at me with his big brown doe like eyes and just repeats
what I say in his fun little voice and I wonder how much he’ll remember and how
much he actually understands. I’m not going to lie, he is a momma’s boy, I’ve
said it many times, and so there is a part of me that’s nervous about how he
will react to the new baby. I know my older sister wasn’t a fan of me until we
were in our twenties, lol, but that’s another story for another blog. I am sure
that in the beginning it will definitely be an adjustment, but as they grow up
together I know they’ll be best buds.
Still,
in the here and now I know I am looking at Maverick different than I would if I
wasn’t pregnant with number two. I know that after the baby is born I am going
to be exhausted, my patience will be tested, I won’t have as much energy to
play with him the way I do now, and so I squeeze in as much extra laughter and
fun as I can. I sometimes give in to his up and coming terrible two’s behavior
and pay attention to him when ignoring him to stop the behavior, or whining,
would probably be best because I know things are about to drastically change
for both of us. I look at him and can’t imagine loving any other child as much as
I love him….even though I know I will. I wonder what the new baby will look
like and how similar or different they will be. I wonder how different I will
be.
And so
in an effort to keep things short and sweet I’ll just wrap this up, tissue in
hand, and say that things are about to get interesting. I’m about to experience
things that will change me for the rest of my life. My heart and my head will
have to learn to be in multiple places at once, always thinking of my two boys,
and not just one. I will have to make sacrifices I never thought I would make,
and although women have been having babies since the dawn of time, there is a
reason it is still such a wonder, and there is a reason it is still such a HUGE
deal. It’s because no matter how many times Apple upgrades an iPhone, how many
diseases are cured, how many presidents are elected, wars won, and new
discoveries made, there are few things in life that compare to (the love of your
pet is the only thing that comes to mind) adopting, or conceiving, creating,
birthing and raising a child. There are few pressures that compare to the
pressure of raising a “decent” child in this day and age…. People, it’s called
the miracle of life for a reason, and not even time has changed that.
So in
our last days together, just Mav and me, I will think about how I am a good mom
because of him, I can do a great job the second time around because of him, I
won’t be as afraid to screw things up because of him, I will know I can be
selfless because of him, and the list goes on and on…. Love you Mav!
