Our last days, just you and me…. 2-13-2017

Me & Mav March 2015

        Ok, so here I go getting all sentimental, but when putting Maverick to bed tonight I realized that at any moment it could be the last night I put him to bed as an “only child”, and it is so bittersweet I don’t know if words can capture it, but I’ll try…. Recently, Ryan and I started a new routine in preparation for the baby that will be arriving any day now. We started splitting up the nights we put Maverick to bed. For a long time I was doing it just about every night, but I realized I may not be able to do it all the time once the new baby is here so it was time for Daddy to jump on the night night train on a daily basis. At first I felt a little guilty about it because it is one of my favorite times of day with Mav. We snuggle and rock, read books and sing songs, and the rambunctious toddler becomes a teddy bear and it melts my heart. Regardless, I knew I had to get Ryan involved so that when the new baby arrives, and I can’t get Mav to bed he won’t be resentful. He’ll be used to the new routine of mommy and daddy taking turns.

                So on the nights when it is my turn I sink into the moment. Tonight in particular I actually started tearing up thinking about this big, long legged toddler with his arms around my neck and his legs splayed across my big ol’ pregnant belly, and I imagined what that must look like if someone were to take a picture…just awesome. I tell Maverick all the time that his new baby brother will be coming soon, and I can’t tell if he actually gets it. I talk to him about all of the things he can help me with and all of the things he can show and teach his new brother, and he looks at me with his big brown doe like eyes and just repeats what I say in his fun little voice and I wonder how much he’ll remember and how much he actually understands. I’m not going to lie, he is a momma’s boy, I’ve said it many times, and so there is a part of me that’s nervous about how he will react to the new baby. I know my older sister wasn’t a fan of me until we were in our twenties, lol, but that’s another story for another blog. I am sure that in the beginning it will definitely be an adjustment, but as they grow up together I know they’ll be best buds.

                Still, in the here and now I know I am looking at Maverick different than I would if I wasn’t pregnant with number two. I know that after the baby is born I am going to be exhausted, my patience will be tested, I won’t have as much energy to play with him the way I do now, and so I squeeze in as much extra laughter and fun as I can. I sometimes give in to his up and coming terrible two’s behavior and pay attention to him when ignoring him to stop the behavior, or whining, would probably be best because I know things are about to drastically change for both of us. I look at him and can’t imagine loving any other child as much as I love him….even though I know I will. I wonder what the new baby will look like and how similar or different they will be. I wonder how different I will be.

                And so in an effort to keep things short and sweet I’ll just wrap this up, tissue in hand, and say that things are about to get interesting. I’m about to experience things that will change me for the rest of my life. My heart and my head will have to learn to be in multiple places at once, always thinking of my two boys, and not just one. I will have to make sacrifices I never thought I would make, and although women have been having babies since the dawn of time, there is a reason it is still such a wonder, and there is a reason it is still such a HUGE deal. It’s because no matter how many times Apple upgrades an iPhone, how many diseases are cured, how many presidents are elected, wars won, and new discoveries made, there are few things in life that compare to (the love of your pet is the only thing that comes to mind) adopting, or conceiving, creating, birthing and raising a child. There are few pressures that compare to the pressure of raising a “decent” child in this day and age…. People, it’s called the miracle of life for a reason, and not even time has changed that.

                So in our last days together, just Mav and me, I will think about how I am a good mom because of him, I can do a great job the second time around because of him, I won’t be as afraid to screw things up because of him, I will know I can be selfless because of him, and the list goes on and on…. Love you Mav!

All I Needed Was Some Coffee To Get Started

It was 11pm and I finally lied down in bed to put my head to rest. Only my head continues to keep running a marathon as the rest of my body rests. Next thing I know I'm waking up at 1:52 as Lincoln cries across the hall. Cries are those of hunger and a wet diaper in need of change. Without hesitation I spring up from bed when I hear the first cry. 

I listen to the cry for a minute on the nights he wakes up. There are two distinct cries; one is a toss and turn, half awake but still asleep cry. Those are my favorite because I don't leave the bed, I get to lie back down and shut my eyes again. The second cry is the louder of the two screaming, "Get your butt up, Mom! I'm hungry and wet!" 

I shuffle my feet in the darkness across the room, stub my pinky toe on the end of my dresser. Da*n$t!! It makes absolutely no sense that I sleep furthest from the door when I'm the one that wakes to the early morning wake up calls. Husband says it's his way of protecting me; he likes to be closest to the door. Only it takes an army to wake him up unless it's an alarm coming from that phone of his. Anyone else like that? You can nudge and shove, raise the volume to the television, turn on every light in the room and there will be no movement. As soon as the alarm on his phone goes off, he's up in an instant. Part of me thinks it's his ploy to stay in bed when Lincoln wakes up in the middle of the night. But on the other hand, he's the hardest working man I know. Once his head hits the sack, it's as if he sinks into the bed and his sleep within seconds, soaking up every minute of sleep until that 3:30am alarm goes off.

I finally get Lincoln back to sleep after 45 minutes. It's approaching 4am and I shut my eyes until my 4:45 alarm goes off. Normally I snooze the crap out of my alarm. So much so that I think it's going to be a productive day as I start my day at 5am but next thing I know I'm waking up to another one of Lincoln's cries. Only this time he's up and ready to go for the day because it's 8:30 in the morning. S*$t!! I did it again; I overslept my alarm. And then I'm left feeling like I've lost all chances to "me time" for my day as I go straight into mommy mode and work mode. But on this morning, it was different.

I've been telling myself for weeks now that I'm going to get up early on this very Monday to start writing again. My plan was to invest in a Keurig, because I don't have time to make an entire pot of coffee. I have two minutes otherwise I'm changing my mind and going back to bed. Keurig's brew coffee in less than two minutes; genius! Due to my birthday being last week, my lovely parents gifted me with a Keurig. I've been wanting one for months. I was actually quite shocked I still got a birthday gift from my parents. After all I'm recently married and no longer their little girl (although I know they think differently). 

I wake up at 4:45 with only a few hours of sleep here and another hour or so of sleep there and I brew myself a cup of chai latte. I hate black coffee, it's gotta be loaded with deliciousness for me to consume it. Besides, I woke up at 4:45 in the morning, I deserved this cup of chai. Usually I have a plan when I wake up. Today I did not. So I grabbed my cup of chai, a book I'm currently reading, my notebook and pen, my comforter, pillow and a blanket and head into our closet and make my own little nest where I tell myself, "This, this is where the magic will happen." Somewhere in this closet full of beautiful shoes and clothes, I'm going to find my inspiration to write. It's a great place for planning. It's quiet, secluded and safe. I read a couple chapters of my book, set it down and I begin to write. 

So now we're all caught up. Here I am! I've taken a few months off from writing. I felt myself losing compassion, losing creativity and becoming stressed. It was as if I felt I was being graded on my writing. So I stopped. I decided it was time to "drop the course" and just go on to another activity. I'm really good at that; the whole not finishing what I started, thing. It's annoying. But I'm determined that part of me will change someday. Maybe I'll find my motivation and inspiration in this here closet. 

Truth be told, writing is what makes me feel whole. It's a place I go to where everything just makes sense. Just me, my thoughts, the paper or the screen. I have a bajillion thoughts in my head every day, writing helps me get some of the junk out so I can be still for a bit. There's nothing better than a moment of silence with not a thought in the world entering your mind. I imagine it being a lot like being in a man's mind, only that's how his mind runs majority of the day. Women on the other hand, we think, we process, we analyze and then we repeat that process over and over. Sometimes it's tiring to be a woman. 

I needed to write again because my days were becoming a cluster f*%k. I have been stressed beyond my mind with no outlet besides exercise. And even that doesn't always help. I know Yoga is what my mind and body needs, but the only thing I want to do is throw around heavy weights and sweat like a pig. There's just something about sweat that makes me feel like I've accomplished something huge in the moment. 

I intend to continue writing, but eliminating the pressure I put on myself this time. It may be 5 days or 2 weeks before I write and publish a blog again, but I'm back. And it feels ever so good.

Throughout my time off, I became a newlywed, I've finished two books (more than I've read in the last two years combined), I've managed to make it over half way through another season of coaching high school girls soccer, I've picked up more clients at our gym, which means more time away from home and my little one(s), and I've taken more baths than my own son because if I couldn't write, I had to do something to unload my piles and piles of stress. 

Life as a newlywed, ahhhhh....bittersweet! I've been married for a little over one month now which technically makes me an expert at the whole marriage thing. So next time I plan to write on marriage, and children, and stress management and handling all the craziness at once. But today I have come and I have conquered. I beat my alarm clock, I began my journey of writing again, and I continue to be present more often on the screen because it makes me feel whole.

For those that have been asking. I wrote a book back in November/December of last year. It's finished but not yet edited. My book is a memoir of my crazy, messy and beautiful life; who wouldn't want to read about my life, right?! (Please note the sarcasm) I'm really struggling right now to hand my memoir over to anyone to read. There's a lot of personal stuff in there that I felt compelled to share with the world; women especially. I believe my life was written to be an example and hopeful inspiration to others. 

In February of 2015, shortly after receiving news of my pregnancy, I received news that my baby daddy was about to be a baby daddy to another baby mama's child due to an affair in our relationship. For those that followed my short (long in others eyes but short in mine as I could have written the world some days) posts on Facebook throughout my pregnancy, I turned to writing once again as my therapy. Writing was my life support. Pregnancy was a real bitch for me. I was going through a crisis in my relationship and I wrote in my book about my relationship, my past leading up to my relationship; which really started at the age of twelve, and I wrote about new life after my child was born into this world. Lincoln was my warrior who carried me through valleys and mountains so deep and high at the same time before he even entered the world. What strength he has that he doesn't even know he withholds yet. 

I plan to have my book edited and published when the timing is right. For those that pray, please pray for me as I continue to decide on this book. For now, I'll stick behind the computer screen and write tid bits of life on here. 

Thank you, friends and family for supporting me in my journey, for supporting our marriage and for supporting our little family. 

God Bless,

Liz

The Fundamentals of Caring

The Fundamentals of Caring

Peaches: What's it like being a parent?
Ben: Every corny thing you've heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true... It's the only reason we're here.

                It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, and truth be told, I wanted to, but I knew I was going to wait until I made my pregnancy announcement. Now that the secret is out I have sooooooooooooo much I want to discuss, but I’ll start with a movie I watched this July called The Fundamentals of Caring. It was a random pick and I only chose it because I’m highly attracted to Paul Rudd, and he stars in the movie so I figured it couldn’t be terrible. Let me tell you, by the time it was over, and at the point I heard the above conversation, I was balling like a baby (pregnancy hormones got me crying at least once every other day).

                Paul Rudd plays Ben, and I don’t want to give away any of the plot, but when he said that line, “Every corny thing you’ve heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true….It’s the only reason we’re here.”, it struck a chord with me because it is exactly how I would describe being a parent, maybe minus the last part since I know kids aren’t for everyone. I’ve said many times before that I never thought I would have kids, I wasn’t ever 100% sure I wanted them, but life throws you curve balls and I’m so glad I knocked this one out of the park.

                Some people are lucky enough to wake up every day with a purpose. They have the job of their dreams, or the life they've always wanted. For the rest of us, it’s the rat race, waking up every day and doing things out of habit and not out of passion. You have a job that pays the bills but it doesn’t light a fire inside you. I, ladies, and maybe a few gentlemen, am one of those people. I have a great job that lots of people might take in a heartbeat, but it doesn’t “do it” for me, I don’t have a passion for it, I’m just good at it and so I do it. Prior to having a kid I was stuck in this rut, but now that I have a child I get it. I know why I want to wake up every day, I finally have a passion and a drive to do something spectacular, and that’s to be a mom and to raise a young man in this day and age. It’s terrifying and gratifying all at the same time.

                There are days I crash and burn and there are days I want to jump up on the top tier and grab that gold medal because I killed it. The crazy thing is that even on my bad days I never want to quit, I always want to keep going, try again, try harder, and experience some new facet of parenthood. The road to retirement in parenthood is LONG, and until our dying day I don’t think we every really retire at being a parent, but I don’t “long” for it to pass the way I yearn for 5:00pm Monday through Friday. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely count the minutes until nap time every now and then, but it’s different. Every time I see my son’s face I fall in love all over again.

                Being pregnant for the second time, and knowing it’s a boy has got me all worked up and overly emotional. My husband is so stoked to have another boy. I’m super happy too, but I can admit that in the moment I heard “boy” I realized how much I would have loved to have a girl, but as my niece used to say, “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”, and “every baby is a blessing” so just being able to have another baby, boy or girl, is something I am incredibly thankful for.

How do I feel about having another baby? Well, I’m excited and I am terrified. I know women have been having babies since the dawn of time, lots and lots of babies, and while the thought of having another seems so beautiful it’s also crazy scary. I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that I won’t be sleeping for several months after the baby is born, only this time I’ll have a fresh two year old running around too. How the hell am I going to do this? How the hell have billions of women before me done this? My roots are going to be out of control, my nails probably won’t see polish until 2020, my eye brows are going to bush out, and I may even skip a few showers, OR….I’ll surprise myself and somehow keep it together, wake up every day and slap on some mascara and lip gloss and change some poop diapers with some 4 inch heals on, in my pajamas of course.

                On that note, and with that image seared into your mind (you're welcome), I will close this blog by repeating the answer to the question: What’s it like being a parent? Every corny thing you’ve heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true…It’s the only reason we’re here.

Migraines, Insomnia & Anxiety

                 

              Today, I decided to blog about my journey with essential oils as a mom and how they helped my chronic migraines, insomnia and anxiety. Essential oils are growing in popularity, and with several diluted and chemical additives being included in so many of them, it’s important to know the difference.  Let me take you back to where it all began for me. I have been a migraine sufferer for the majority of my life. It started when I was 12 years old. Beyond the migraines, I have also struggled with insomnia and anxiety, both of which also began at a young age. Some doctors attributed this to a hormone imbalance, and others to stress. All I can tell you is that any and/or all of these issues are awful, and terrible to live with.

                A lot of people describe me as an outgoing, sarcastic, and maybe even a little funny, gal. While I can see this being true, wink, wink, I also think those are all ways I have managed to mask my anxiety. I am definitely an extrovert. I feed off of other people’s energy. I love to be in social situations. Perhaps this is because it gets me out of my own head, it’s a distraction from stress. Before I was a mom, I was always out. Whether it was going to work, yoga, happy hour, friend’s houses, to dinner, to lunch, to breakfast, to brunch (maybe I have a food addiction too), to clubs, to theme parks, on trips, family gatherings, whatever it was, the last place I wanted to be was home, alone.

                Fast forward to pregnancy…I am somehow working from home. As an extrovert, this is terrible for me, but it pays the student loan and health insurance bills so I stuck with it. I figured it would be beneficial once the baby was born…Wrong. Throughout my pregnancy I struggled with sleep issues, and early in my pregnancy, migraines. Being pregnant means being EXTRA careful about what you put into your body, and so, I couldn’t take my prescription migraine medications, which left me with Tylenol. Tylenol? Really? My migraines laugh hysterically at Tylenol. It does nothing for them. So I tried Tylenol with a cup of coffee to get the Excedrin effect without the Aspirin…also, didn’t work. The only thing that managed to give me some slight relief was rubbing IceyHot along my eyelid and forehead accompanied by an ice pack. Hello, IcyHot, ON MY EYELID. I would rather feel the burn of the product than the pain of the migraine. Other than that, I suffered through the intense pain, auras, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea and vomiting. Vomiting on top of my already horrible morning/all day sickness. Sometimes for days. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad for me, lots of women struggle with this, it just sucks when you’re trying to work and you feel debilitated and there’s nothing you can do about it.

                Moving along again, my second trimester of pregnancy, around weeks 16-17, the nausea stopped, and so did the migraines. THANK YOU JESUS! No more migraines for the remainder of my pregnancy. The insomnia on the other hand, continued throughout the pregnancy. I remember lying in bed with big time restless leg syndrome and stressing about the sleep I would undoubtedly lose once the baby arrived. I would get so upset at the reality that I wasn’t sleeping, and I was scared I would lose my mind.

                Finally, baby is born, I won’t rehash that story…see previous blogs for that party. The first night in the hospital I didn’t sleep a wink, even after an exhausting day. Baby slept, not me. The next day the nurses said I had to sleep and offered me a Unisom type medication. I took it out of desperation to sleep, even if only for a few hours. Got home, continued to go hours, sometimes days, with zero sleep. Again, baby was sleeping, mommy, not sleeping. I started to feel the crazy creeping in. I was losing it. There are no words to describe the exhaustion of zero hours of sleep for days in a row. I felt like I was hearing things, forgetting things, I was afraid I might accidentally fall asleep holding the baby. This accompanied by the raging hormones and crying uncontrollably post-delivery left me feeling emotionally crippled. There were times I told my husband to supplement with formula so I could take a Unisom and sleep for 5 hours straight. Thank God for those times and for him being willing to get up and do the nighttime feeds even when he had work the next day.

                Then, wouldn’t you know it, my migraines returned. A mere two weeks post-delivery I got my first migraine. Awesome. Again, I reached for the IcyHot, Tylenol and coffee just to try to dull the pain so I could still breastfeed and not take my prescription meds. Well, this lasted only so long, and so I decided I needed to take the medication so I could be able to care for my baby. Taking the meds meant 12 hours of no breastfeeding which translates to pumping and dumping. This happened often enough to make a cow cry over my spilled breastmilk.

                In a last ditch effort to help my migraines and insomnia, I decided to try acupuncture. I went to an outstanding practitioner, but unfortunately it did nothing for my migraines. It did seem to help with sleep, but the day after a treatment I would always get a migraine, so after several months of treatment, and hundreds of dollars, I stopped. Well, this is when I found the oils…Thank you Rachel, for introducing me to these oils! I received a sample of M-grain. A Young Living essential oil blend made specifically for migraine sufferers not accident related. I started getting a migraine one day and tried the oil. I was skeptical, but guess what? It worked. I started getting another a few days later. Used the oils again, and it worked again. This happened several more times and that was it. I was sold. I contacted her and she told me about the Premium Starter Kit with diffuser. She mentioned I may find it helps with my insomnia and anxiety as well. Knowing how the M-grain worked for me, I was all over this. I made the investment, I bought the kit, and I bought a bottle of M-grain.

                Here I am, a mere seven months later, I am an avid oil user and a true believer in the power of essential oils. I went from taking my prescription medication 5-10 times a month, to needing it only 1-3 times a month. I’m sleeping better at night thanks to a diffuser blend of Lavender, Patchouli, Cedarwood, and Frankincense, along with the occasional Sleep Essence supplement containing a blend of essential oils said to improve sleep along with melatonin. Not only are these oils blowing my mind and helping me with my issues, but they are a lifesaver for my husband, dog and my one year old son. Got the sniffles? There’s an oil for that. Diaper rash? There’s an oil for that. Colds, viruses, bug bites, sun burn, restless baby, stinky diaper pail, stinky dog? Whatever it is, THERE IS AN OIL FOR THAT.

                For months now, I have been ecstatically spreading the word about these oils since I started discovering their many benefits, and I plan to continue. I have replaced just about every OTC medication and toxic cleaning product in my house with essential oils and essential oil products. I even use it as part of my daily skin care routine! My son, who goes to daycare three days a week, has benefited tremendously from the diffusing of essential oils. There has not ever been a time where I have needed to go into his room in the middle of the night to comfort or calm him when he has been sick so long as I put him to bed with the diffuser running. That in and of itself is amazing, and it is no exaggeration for me. Am I saying I will never need to comfort him? No, I am just saying what has happened thus far, and regardless, I believe whole heartedly that the use of essential oils has helped speed his recovery from illnesses much faster than if I had done nothing at all, or just used infant Tylenol.

                If you’re interested in learning more, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to talk to you about Young Living’s essential oils and how they might be able to help you and your family. Keep in mind, not all oils are created equally. There is truly a difference between what you can buy in the store, and what Young Living offers. Young Living offers a full seed to seal guarantee on all of their products. They are 100% pure, therapeutic grade, harvested at the peak of their growth. "Only 2% of essential oils sold in North America are suitable for medicinal purposes, and Young Living makes 98% of them!" www.Distillery9.com

Please send any and all questions to: Lola2680@gmail.com