The Fundamentals of Caring

The Fundamentals of Caring

Peaches: What's it like being a parent?
Ben: Every corny thing you've heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true... It's the only reason we're here.

                It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, and truth be told, I wanted to, but I knew I was going to wait until I made my pregnancy announcement. Now that the secret is out I have sooooooooooooo much I want to discuss, but I’ll start with a movie I watched this July called The Fundamentals of Caring. It was a random pick and I only chose it because I’m highly attracted to Paul Rudd, and he stars in the movie so I figured it couldn’t be terrible. Let me tell you, by the time it was over, and at the point I heard the above conversation, I was balling like a baby (pregnancy hormones got me crying at least once every other day).

                Paul Rudd plays Ben, and I don’t want to give away any of the plot, but when he said that line, “Every corny thing you’ve heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true….It’s the only reason we’re here.”, it struck a chord with me because it is exactly how I would describe being a parent, maybe minus the last part since I know kids aren’t for everyone. I’ve said many times before that I never thought I would have kids, I wasn’t ever 100% sure I wanted them, but life throws you curve balls and I’m so glad I knocked this one out of the park.

                Some people are lucky enough to wake up every day with a purpose. They have the job of their dreams, or the life they've always wanted. For the rest of us, it’s the rat race, waking up every day and doing things out of habit and not out of passion. You have a job that pays the bills but it doesn’t light a fire inside you. I, ladies, and maybe a few gentlemen, am one of those people. I have a great job that lots of people might take in a heartbeat, but it doesn’t “do it” for me, I don’t have a passion for it, I’m just good at it and so I do it. Prior to having a kid I was stuck in this rut, but now that I have a child I get it. I know why I want to wake up every day, I finally have a passion and a drive to do something spectacular, and that’s to be a mom and to raise a young man in this day and age. It’s terrifying and gratifying all at the same time.

                There are days I crash and burn and there are days I want to jump up on the top tier and grab that gold medal because I killed it. The crazy thing is that even on my bad days I never want to quit, I always want to keep going, try again, try harder, and experience some new facet of parenthood. The road to retirement in parenthood is LONG, and until our dying day I don’t think we every really retire at being a parent, but I don’t “long” for it to pass the way I yearn for 5:00pm Monday through Friday. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely count the minutes until nap time every now and then, but it’s different. Every time I see my son’s face I fall in love all over again.

                Being pregnant for the second time, and knowing it’s a boy has got me all worked up and overly emotional. My husband is so stoked to have another boy. I’m super happy too, but I can admit that in the moment I heard “boy” I realized how much I would have loved to have a girl, but as my niece used to say, “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”, and “every baby is a blessing” so just being able to have another baby, boy or girl, is something I am incredibly thankful for.

How do I feel about having another baby? Well, I’m excited and I am terrified. I know women have been having babies since the dawn of time, lots and lots of babies, and while the thought of having another seems so beautiful it’s also crazy scary. I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that I won’t be sleeping for several months after the baby is born, only this time I’ll have a fresh two year old running around too. How the hell am I going to do this? How the hell have billions of women before me done this? My roots are going to be out of control, my nails probably won’t see polish until 2020, my eye brows are going to bush out, and I may even skip a few showers, OR….I’ll surprise myself and somehow keep it together, wake up every day and slap on some mascara and lip gloss and change some poop diapers with some 4 inch heals on, in my pajamas of course.

                On that note, and with that image seared into your mind (you're welcome), I will close this blog by repeating the answer to the question: What’s it like being a parent? Every corny thing you’ve heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true…It’s the only reason we’re here.

Why Is He Not Answering My Prayers?

There are some things in life that are just hard to understand. All within the same week I attended a wake for a three year old child, I talked with a family member whom I discovered lost a child to infertility, I've witnessed the death of a marriage that is occurring, and it makes me ask why. Why do people have to go through such pain and hardships when others seem to have it all going on good? Why after endless prayers over and over does God not grant the desires of our hearts? No one should ever have to experience the pain of losing a child. It hurts even worse knowing they are a great family, and that she was and is a great mother to her children, and that they do good things for other people. Why them? Or those couples that experience infertility; why them? Why give the drug addict who can't take care of a child and who doesn't want a child first before the woman begging in her prayers for a child whom can wholeheartedly take care of that child? How does one marriage survive infidelity, but another marriage fails because they just never see eye to eye? Why do bad things happen to good people?

The questions for our unanswered prayers are endless. Our search for understanding is endless. 

The mother who lost her child, how does she move forward in life without her child? I witnessed an immeasurable amount of strength in that mother as she so graciously gave her precious time and attention to all the concerned and sympathizing beings in the room that evening. How did she do that?! I asked. She was so strong. And then she started telling me that her young child served her purpose here on earth and that something really great is going to come of her loss. (Not exactly in those words, but along those lines.) I was in awe of how she was so positive and hopeful when all I wanted to do was hug her and cry with her. Her strength was admirable.

When discovering the family member who lost their child also, I was in awe of her strength. I had no idea, but I saw her positive post as if life was going really well for her. And then when she shared her news with me, I was again in awe by her strength, her wisdom and her faith about her situation. 

And to the marriage that was ending, her hope in life moving on for her and that things were going to work out, even if a divorce wasn't what she wanted. And even when her marriage wasn't finalized by divorce yet, she was already speaking hopeful things into her future. I was again, taken back by her strength. 

Watching and hearing all of this happen in the same week posed that question we've all asked ourselves at some time or another; why isn't God answering my prayers? You may not believe in God; to each is own. But you may also be asking yourself, why is this happening to me? 

The answer is; you may never know. The mothers and fathers who lose their children may never understand why their child's life was cut all too short and why they get to live on. The woman who's body is struggling to prepare itself for a child may never understand why her blessing is on hold. And 50% of men and women that end in divorce may never understand why they didn't remain on the other side of the 50%; blissfully married. They may never understand, but I know they sure as heck are calling out for answers. Why me? Why can't the pain go away? Why can't the bad memories be erased? How long do I have to suffer? Will this ever get better? And the question I shamefully admit I've asked God one too many times; if you're so big and mighty, why can't you take this hurt away from me? Why aren't you listening to me?

I've gone through gut wrenching, heart tearing pain before. I've felt dead in an alive world. I've asked over and over why me? I've asked over and over, when will I move on from the pain? And here I am today, often times still reminded of the pain. There are days I still feel broken. Everything seems perfectly puzzled together right now in my life, but my heart is still reminded of the hurt. How much longer do I have to remember the hurt? I ask in prayer. 

After a long time of what felt like suffering, I've learned one thing about my trials and I've noticed the same thing in each and every person that has experienced trials too. That no matter the storm, they survived. And not only did they survive, but they came out stronger. And not only were they stronger, but they were more patient, more understanding, more forgiving, and more kind. And for me, I see my growth and transformation as a blessing. It was necessary for me to go through the pain in order to be where I am today. Where I am today may not be where I wanted to be, but who knows how I'd be mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually had things gone my way. I'm actually afraid to know what that would look like. Listening to God wasn't so bad after all. 

My testimony was formed from my pain and suffering. My relationship, not just my beliefs in God, but my intimate relationship with Him was formed from my pain and suffering. And I have to somewhat believe that maybe that's exactly why I had to go through my pain and suffering. Maybe I had to go through some hardship so I would have a testimony to share with others and that may even help others. Maybe I had to go through some hardship so I would get to know God a little better than I once did. Maybe He wanted to know me a lot more and He took the one thing he knew would get my attention the most and it would either force me to choose life in Him or death on earth. Maybe, just maybe, my hardship was meant to be for the best. 

I have to believe that bad things happen to good people for the best. To help them grow and to help them strengthen. And most of all, to prepare them for their future blessings.

I heard this analogy once that I'd like to share.

God wants to anoint us with His blessings. The term anoint means to smear or cover with. So God wants to cover us with His blessings. Think of our blessings as paint on a wall. The paint is long lasting. But before the paint is put on the wall, the wall is primed. The wall is primed so the paint sticks better to the wall and so the paint will last longer. God primes us before He paints us. In layman's terms; He takes us through some shit before anointing us with His blessings. (That's not the analogy and terminology that I originally heard, but sharing 'hardship' once more felt as if I was undermining my real feelings behind the pain) God puts us through some really hard shit, but He has a purpose to it all. It's so we are primed and ready to be painted and anointed with His blessings.

I understand some of you may not believe  or even want to understand that analogy, but hiding behind my faith and not speaking out about Gods glory was not my destiny. I was called to share His name with others and I was called to speak out about Him. For many years I sat quietly and humbly in my faith, and that was okay too, but God had plans to use me. And I can't help but think that He allowed those things to happen in my life so He could better use me. 

I've had friends and even family ask and wonder how I picked up the pieces in my life and moved forward. They are in awe of my strength; to which I remind them that my strength is not my own. And what I can't say for others because their beliefs are not for me to comment on, I can say for myself. What I can say for myself, is that without my God, Elizabeth Anne Pitney would not exist in this world today. I wanted to take my ticket out of this world. Leaving seemed much more painless than staying at the time. And when He knew I'd be thinking that way, He put something in my life at just the perfect time to ensure I would not take my own way out and to ensure that instead of choosing death, I'd choose life in Him. That blessing He bestowed upon me in the midst of what felt like death, was new life. In the midst of all of my pain and suffering He whispered to me and said, "Everything will be all right my dear child, you may rest in my presence." That new life was the news I received of Lincoln. When I felt like leaving, God knew it. But to keep me here, He said, try again, only this time, you will not only be taking just one of my children, but two from me. As frustrating as it can sometimes be, He knows my heart better than I know my own. And He knew I wasn't going anywhere with that child inside of me.

So I sit here today and share with you all just another segment of my testimony to which I am anxiously awaiting for my book to be finished, and reveal the rest of it. Can I be honest and frank? I used to hate writing. But little did I know that it would become my gift to help others. Little did I know it would become my way to express the words on my heart that go unspoken. Little did I know that God would take something I once despised doing, and turn it into something I am finally passionate about. I've felt I've searched so long for my passion and without even realizing it, it was uncovered throughout my hardship. Writing became my means of communicating most effectively to the ones I love most. It became my therapy. And now it's become my gift and talent that I will hopefully be able to use to help others.

I say this all to hopefully give you some hope in your current storms in life. Whatever hardship you're going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. There's dry land and beautiful flowers replanted after the storm is over. Your faith, your entire life and everything in it may be shaken, but you'll come out stronger in the end. You will be a better person. 

Your tests in life may become your testimonies to share and help others. Your mess of a life just may one day turn into your message to help others. Just remind yourself in the midst of your storm that you are being primed right now for something really great that is coming your way. I am just an average joe on this planet. But I have a calling and a higher purpose than I once thought I was set here on earth to do. You too, have a higher purpose and sometimes, as much as it hurts to go through the pain and suffering, it's necessary to ho through to get you to that higher purpose you're here for.

God never left my prayers unanswered, He just answered them differently than what I imagined them to be. He reminded me that He has my heart and my best interest at His heart. He was the only one that was able to make me feel loved the way I desired and He was the only one that could heal my broken heart and patch up my open wounds. He is the reason I am who I am today and He is the reason I have what I have today. 

Those dark days still want to creep up on me, but choosing life in Him has helped me survive those dark reminders. 

My prayer for you all is that you too can press forward in hopes that you will discover your purpose and your testimony through all your hardship. 

May you be blessed. 

Check Your Social Media Behavior

I couldn't help but notice every week when a group of my kids come in for their training sessions, they walk into the gym and will glance at themselves in the large mirror that magnifies every freckle, every pimple, and every unwanted attribute about themselves. 

They'll talk about how their legs are "gross" and how their stomach is "flabby" and how they can't wait to get their braces off because they "hate" their smile. These girls range from ages 15-17. Their comments about themselves sparked something in me to do an activity with them. 

I brought the girls over to the mirror and had them look directly into their own eyes and give themselves five compliments. What could have taken seconds to complete, ended up taking about ten minutes. They fidgeted, shuffled their feet in distress and a couple of them could barely look themselves directly in the eyes. My heart was broken watching them struggle to find beauty within themselves. I see them as vibrant and full of energy, beautiful young ladies with good heads on their shoulders. I know they are smart. I know they are hard workers. They are humorous. But they saw none of that. And I couldn't understand why. 

I talked to them about how they felt doing the activity; it was stressful, they hated it, and they felt uncomfortable. Why? "Because we don't talk about ourselves that way" they said. And by "that way" they meant, they don't compliment themselves. But they can easily pick apart their bodies and identify the things they think they aren't good at. They said they compare themselves with the pictures of other people they see on Instagram. They compare themselves to their friends. 

And so it was revealed....

I wondered where this comparison was coming from and who they looked at that convinced them they weren't pretty enough, or smart enough, or happy enough. It was their 24/7 access to social media that I discovered they spend on average a total of 3-5 hours/day on. That gives them access to see the lives of others, some they don't even know, and get a two inch by two inch framed glimpse of what their life is like. They look at that photo shopped and filtered image taken at the perfect angle and compare themselves to that. They compare themselves to the posts about others being happy with their boyfriends, when they are either boyfriend-less or going through some problems with their boyfriends. They think they need that male counterpart to make them feel pretty and to be happy. They don't understand why they aren't experiencing that same happiness. They think it's because of the way they look.

And this is where social media frustrates me....

We only see a small, very, very tiny glimpse of what that persons life is like through their pictures or their comments on their Twitter or Facebook posts. Majority of the time we have no clue what else is going on outside of those moments shared with us. And that's the thing, most people only share with the world the good,  because who wants to share the bad and who wants to hear the bad? Reality is, our lives are not perfect, but we think because we have had a good week of prepping meals, or that we bought a new and complimenting outfit, or that we did our hair and makeup, that we need to post a photo of it for everyone else to see. And for what reason? My only guess is for attention. To fill some sort of emotional void we aren't getting somewhere else in our life. 

Want to know what my life looks like outside of my happy and motivating posts and pictures? It's messy! I live a beautiful-messy life. I have problems in my relationship, problems as a mother, problems with my family, problems with my finances, problems with my spirituality, problems with my consistency in eating right and exercising. I'm not perfect. And maybe I should be more aware of how I'm perceiving my life to be to others if that's what our youth is seeing. 

I took a photo of each of them on the spot. I asked them if they'd post it to social media. Every singe one of them said, "Absolutely not!" They didn't like the angle, the lighting, they looked fat, their hair was gross, their eyes were squinting and their smile was too big. "But that's what I see when I see you everyday, ladies!    " I told them. "And to me, I see you as smart, beautiful, bright and kind young ladies." Why not share that with the world instead of filtering all the things we don't like about ourselves and sharing a falsified version of ourselves?

They learned a lesson, and so did I. I will be more aware of how I perceive my life through social media. If I'm not real with myself, y'all can count on me not being real with you. I won't accept that. I deserve better for myself, and so do you.

We need to be teaching our youth that THEY ARE ENOUGH! Social media is the foundation for a lot of bullying and peer pressure, it leads to depression, violence, and even death. It's convenient; yes. It's great for marketing; yes. But we still exist in this world and there's so much going on in this world we are missing by looking down at our phone screens all day. Screw the marketing and convenience benefits if it means it's taking away from our quality of life. There are so many moments that aren't truly experienced because we are focused on getting the picture on camera instead. And when we look back at the pictures we don't even remember what those moments felt like because we weren't actually experiencing them.

We need to encourage people to put their phones down. Just put them away! Easier said than done, right? Well, the future is in our hands and what I saw with the youth that I get to mentor and coach every day, is a problem. I saw a huge problem with the way they value themselves. If they don't value themselves, what's next? Drugs? Hard drugs? Sex? Human trafficking? Lying? Stealing? Cheating? They have a whole life ahead of them yet (God willing), but unless we share with them how loved they are, that they are good enough, the reality of what's online and what's behind it, and unless we SHOW them, not just tell them, that it's important to put our phones down and look up at life, then they will continue to transition into adulthood looking down, de-valuing their worth, and who knows what that will lead to and what that will look like. We haven't experienced anything like this era before. So we have to be the change we want to see. 

It's so easy for us as busy, working individuals to get caught up on our phones too. But we are setting the example to our youth who are followers of use, of the way life is supposed to be by being on our phones all the time. 

Try that activity I had my girls do. And if you struggle to look yourself in the eyes without losing contact of your own eyes, and if you struggle to compliment yourself and highlight your attributes, then you need to make a change. You need to empower yourself first in order to be able to empower others. And our youth needs to be empowered. The school that I coach at has experienced a suicide of a student within the school 3 times over the last 4 years. I've talked with kids about their depression and how they are on medication to control it. They are losing hope, drowning in our society and the way it's perceived to be through social media. They feel inefficient, and they fear things won't get better. Why? Because they see how we are living as adults, and it's the same damn way. 

I fear for our youth, that if we as the older generation do not restore ourselves, that they will struggle to find their way all of their lives. We need to restore them with hope. But the change starts with us. And it can start by putting your phone down and really living life, knowing your worth, and valuing your time. 

After writing this blog, I snapped a photo of my current self (the first and only photo). Undone hair, thick glasses still on, not a full smile because I didn't feel like giving a full smile, no perfect angle; just me. And this will always be the real, raw me. I know I'm beautiful aside from the naysayer in me that convinces me otherwise sometimes. How many of you can share a photo of yourselves like this? 

Start Dreaming Again

I've always loved Easter and the meaning of it. Easter egg hunts and baskets filled with goodies as a kid; nothing was better. The pastel rainbow color palette, spring weather, and the hope this season gives others has always been my favorite. Yesterday I got to share this favorite day of mine with my son and his beloved daddy. To share that favorite day with two of the most dearest people to my heart was an absolute treat.

Our church services are performed at 7:30 and 10:45am every Sunday. We usually get up to go to the 7:30am service because it means we get out of church earlier in the day and have more time to get other things done. But this morning daddy decided to let everyone sleep in. Which was another treat in itself. Not only did we sleep in, but we awoke to breakfast in bed. Lincoln a bottle, and I was greeted with sausage, eggs and French toast. Ryan loves to cook and he loves to surprise me so it was a win-win to start the day off.

We made it to second service where the church was jam packed. A great sight for Pastor, not so much for us. The air system was broken and it was a hot and sweaty service, which sometimes makes it hard to focus on the sermon when you're constantly fanning yourself to keep cool. Add a baby in the mix, constantly worried on their body temperature, if they are going to belt out a loud cry, and whether or not they are hungry, church gets a little hotter with all that fidgeting.

Service was great, the message was great, the choir and dance ministries were great. I love our church and everything that goes in to making each service unique and entertaining. Lincoln slept the entire time so that took away our worries of being those newbie parents during the service that struggle to calm their kid down. Pastor talked about "Dreaming Again" and I thought I'd share parts of his sermon. 

The last year and a half of my life came with many trials. There were many bumps and bruises to my ego, my heart, and my overall happiness. You know the saying that says bad things come in threes? Well, it was like bad things come in tens for me. It seemed to be one thing after the next, or at least that's how I began to look at everything.

When one bad circumstance approached in my life, I had a hard time letting it go. I'd carry it with me for a long time and before you know it, something else would come up that would set me back. Instead of looking at everything as lessons learned, I saw life as unfair. I had a horrible outlook on everything. I didn't enjoy my pregnancy until the very end. Any problems that were arising in my relationship I thought were enough to make he or I want to flee from one another. When business would get slow, I'd worry about every bill and how it was going to get paid. I worried a lot about things that weren't meant for me to worry about. I had a negative view on some of my life's most important lessons. It's easy to do what I did. What's hard is focusing on the positive, having faith and hope that everything will work out for my own good, and just trusting His future for me. 

A month ago I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I finally decided to talk to my doctor about everything I had been feeling from negativity, to sadness, to worry. I took a simple test, talked to her and before I knew it she was giving me information on postpartum and talking to me about possible medications to begin. 

She was still talking as I was thinking to myself, "I went through all of this to find out that I was the problem all along?" I had to go on medication. I had to seek therapy. Now I was just even more furious. "Where were you God in that moment?" I thought to myself. He was right there all along though, every single moment; He never left. But He was waiting for me to see Him instead of always seeing the worst in every situation.

I went through a spiritual warfare, a financial warfare, a relationship warfare, an identity warfare. My entire life was changing for what I once thought was the worst. But in church today, I was reminded that it's okay to dream again about life being good. This Easter weekend I was reminded of the greatest gift Jesus gave to me; himself.

I have never not been able to pay a bill. We are still in business and running smoothly. Our relationship has overcome some major obstacles and we are a team now looking out for one another rather than ourselves only. I truly believe it was necessary for us to learn some lessons before we could ever think about the commitment of marriage. We are about to finish our pre marital class in the next week. We survived! Which makes us one step closer to that commitment and that blessing from God. I may not have enjoyed pregnancy, but I gave birth to a healthy baby boy who is now almost five months and has brought an unimaginable amount of joy to my life. I may have been diagnosed with some postpartum, but instead of talking about what God wasn't doing for me, I began talking about what he has done for me and what he will do for me. 

To dream again for me, means that no matter the struggle or how long the storm may last, I know that I have a God that will carry me through. My struggle seemed like it was never going to end, but instead of focusing on everything that has happened that had gone wrong, I needed to shift that perspective and focus on how far I had come and begin talking about the blessings He has in store for me. I needed to start dreaming again. 

Eventually you can talk yourself into a life of turmoil. Your words can be spoken into existence. If you focus on the lack of finances, the relationship issues, your bad health, your diagnosis, and your unfair cards that you felt were dealt to you, that's the life you're going to live. But if you talk about how you've never been without when it comes to money, that your spouse is still there with you at the end of the day, that you are still breathing upon waking everyday no matter your diagnosis, then you are going to view your life a bit more positively. 

 So no matter your situation or circumstance, I challenge you to find at least one positive thing about that situation. Lost a loved one? Just think of how they are no longer suffering and how good of hands they are in now. Late on paying a bill? Just remind yourself that you still have a home, with food to eat, a bed to lay in at night, and clothes to keep you warm. Had an argument with your significant other? Just remind yourself of how conflict can present an opportunity. Refrain from shouting in anger. You have the opportunity to listen, to grow in your relationship and better your communication when an argument, or disagreement rather, presents itself. 

However wrong things seem to be going, start dreaming again. Start thinking of how far you've come and what is in store for you. The shift in your perspective will literally shift your life. Ever gone to church and heard a message or read something in a book and told yourself you needed to hear that right at that time? That's how yesterday was for me. And it was the perfect message for the day. 

Not even death could hold Jesus down. He rose from death and shared with others that nothing was going to hold him down. And if we believed in that and in him, then we'd also realize that nothing can hold us down either. He gave his life for me, for us, and because He did that, I don't have to worry about all the things that could go wrong. All I have to do is remind myself that everything is going to be okay. I have to believe in the good.

 Whatever you are going through, don't let it hold you down. Speak life into your words and start dreaming again. And if you want to hear the awesome message for yourself, just go to www.newsalemcares.com and click on the sermon tab where you'll find all Pastor Troy's good ole motivation. 

Hoping your week is filled with dreams again! 

Spiritual Blessings Come Wrapped In Trials

I often wondered how many women felt the same way I did when they found out they were expecting to have their first child. Growing up I was never one of those girls that imagined what her dream wedding would be like. I never saw myself living in a big house with a white picket fence draped around it. I knew I one day wanted to have a child, but I wasn't expecting that one day to happen so soon. It happened before I finished my college degree. It happened before marriage. It was completely out of context for me to have a child at the age of 26 years old. At least that's what society convinced me to believe in the beginning. And because I let myself be affected by the potential opinions of society, I was actually quite devastated when I received the news.

My relationship was in no position to throw a child in the mix. I had just recently went into business on my own 3 months prior to finding out the news. My career was still in its crucial stages of growth and development. I was still having fun with my girlfriends on the weekends. Instead of grasping that I had life created inside of me, I was visualizing how my life social life was quickly coming to an end. 

Guilt hung over my shoulders every day in those first few weeks. I thought, "How could I be feeling this way when I know so many women try to conceive and cannot?" At one point in time, the guilt was so overwhelming that I found myself slipping into depression. Depression was an all too familiar feeling for me, as I once found myself in a black hole when I struggled to end my relationship with sugar. It made absolutely no sense to me how I could be feeling this way when I had life growing inside of me. 

But then one day, light started to shine into that black hole I found myself in again. I went from overwhelmed to overjoyed. My life wasn't over; it was just beginning! God thought awful highly of me in that moment of conception to grant me His blessing of a child. Sure, on paper I wasn't ready for little man to become a part of my life. Ready or not, baby's don't necessarily come at a "perfect" time. That's not how life works and that's not how blessings work. The good Lord certainly had bigger and better plans for me than I had for myself. 

Every year at the beginning of the year I create a vision board with my dreams and aspirations for the upcoming year (something new I started doing for internal motivation). My vision board included goals such as; erasing some school loan debt, dropping a few pounds, finishing my degree and growing in my business. Nowhere in there did I have a vision of marriage and family. That was saved for a later year; like 5 years later type of later year. Not only did my school loan debt add up, but I added on the debt of delivering a child (Babies are not cheap! Saving for a child really is necessary). I have yet to finish my degree, but 5 days after baby was born I enrolled in a course that is helping me publish my first book in May of this year. Instead of growing in business, I actually had to step away for a bit because my job requires me to be extremely active and I could no longer do the physical activity I once did while being pregnant. I also was put on slight bed rest a month before baby arrived leaving me without work for good. And instead of losing a few pounds for the year, I gained a whopping 40 lbs. Needless to say, I achieved very little on my vision board this last year. Believe it or not, God had better things in store for me than my own visions. 

After Lincoln arrived, my goal was to grow as a mom to be the best example for my son that I could be. I wasn't passionate about the degree I was working after, but I quickly became very passionate about motherhood. My business was at a stand still for awhile, but becoming a mother has created a whole new opportunity I would have never had in my line of work had I not become a mother. My business is at its highest peak yet to date. I may not have finished my degree this last year, and I'm still not sure if the degree I was going after was one I want to finish with, but I now have a book that I will be releasing in May (Is The Grass Really Greener? A memoir). To me, I've accomplished more in writing that book than I know I will have when I complete that degree. My relationship has evolved into a beautiful mess; rather than the disaster it once was. We are on the path to marriage; not for society's approval or for baby's sake, but because we are ready to please God in our union together. As for school debt and baby debt, God also created an opportunity for me with my business to help erase my debt sooner than I could have every dreamed of. 

I couldn't have imagined myself being here a year ago. From scared, broken, and lost, to now a feeling of joy and having a sense of purpose and insight as to where my life is going; I've come a long way. At the end of the day, I learned my lesson is to trust that His plans are greater for me than my own. He can turn your dark days into light and make you forget all about your past. It's never too late to ask for His forgiveness and turn from sin either. Once I realized that, I started worrying less and I was able to accept His gift of peace. And it was in those moments of peace that I found my purpose. 

All along, I've been searching for my purpose. What purpose do I, Elizabeth Anne Pitney, 26 years of age, serve in this world? Well, I may not know that answer fully just yet, and I may not ever know, but I do know I'm going in the right direction. Lincoln gave me a purpose. I now have a better purpose in my career specializing in working with women; mothers specifically. It was revealed to me in my journey into motherhood that writing was more than a hobby; it was my gift. Had I not gotten out of my own way, I may have never discovered these gifts. My ultimate lesson was to slow down, let go and let God. 

God was the only judge I needed to worry about; not society. The only debt I needed to worry about was the debt of not asking for forgiveness of all my sins. In asking for forgiveness, He took care of those other debts....and then some. When the days get tough, the light seems dim, remember you don't have to fight your journey on your own. The struggle is real at times. In your fight for peace, for purpose, or whatever it is, know that your arms are too short to box with God. There will be trials along the way, but stay the course and trust His plans are good for you and your blessings will be revealed to you. 

With Love, 

Liz