I was never the girl who dreamed of her wedding day, or the one who had a shoe box stored under her bed full of magazine cutouts and snippets of fabric that symbolized her colors and decor. I never gave Ryan an ultimatum or a deadline on when he "had to propose or else I'd move on". I never told him what ring I wanted to wear. I never even told him my ring size. We never really talked about the wedding, but marriage was frequently brought up.
There comes a point in a woman's life where she evaluates her life and where she's at. Society forces us to evaluate our lives around the ages of 22-28. If we aren't married, thinking about marriage, if we don't have a good career, or if we aren't already having kids, then we're behind. I honestly never saw myself in this life I have right now; a business owner, a mother to a beautiful boy and a soon to be wife to an amazing man. I tend to be one that strays from society and all of its gimmicks. I hate seeing how people literally waste precious time with their friends and families while on technology. 4 out of 5 of the girls I surround myself with are all wearing the same clothes from the same chain store. I'd be the one with the outfit from the boutique store down in Alabama (this is an exaggeration, but I don't like having the same style everyone else has). I'm very outgoing, but an extreme introvert at heart. Instead of talking about The Real Housewives or The Kardashians, I want to talk about books like those from John Maxwell or Joel Osteen. But no one ever talks about books like that. Or at least in my group of friends. And sometimes I just want to sit in a room or outdoors by myself and just stare into space and get my creativity going so I can draw a beautiful picture. I like to draw, but society has forced me to believe I'm wasting my time if I'm not crossing things off my to do list. So I don't draw enough, and I don't write enough. In reality, I'm not maximizing the gifts God gave me. But one thing I know I did right, was choosing to do life with Ryan. At 26, almost 27 years of age, I know this is the right life for me. And whether I believed that initially, I know my life would not be going in the direction it is now if it wasn't for my child and my husband.
My wardrobe, my cell phone, and my to-do list may never keep up with society, but my marriage never has to and that's the beauty of a marriage. I have friends who've I've witnessed firsthand stressing about the details of their wedding day. I get it, you are entertaining guests and want to make sure they have a wonderful experience at your "perfect day". But it oftentimes leaves them feeling disappointed if things don't go the way they planned it to be. I too hope my guests are pleased, but at the end of the day, that wedding day is about Ryan and I. I'm sorry if the chicken is too hard or the sides are original, but HELLLOO!! I'm about to say YES to FOREVER to this man and that's kind of a big deal!! Marriage is a big deal. It's a serious commitment (if you view it that way that is. Not everyone values a marriage and its covenant unfortunately). To my guests; I'm sorry if the music wasn't what you wanted to hear and the food wasn't all that great, I'll do my best to make sure both are legit, but please say a prayer for me, I'm about to embark on the biggest journey of my life and I need all the prayers I can get!
I've overheard friends who've told me they picked out the ring that they wanted to wear, taking away the excitement of the special occasion. There's nothing wrong with a girl living out that once in a lifetime dream. But that's just not what I prefer. I'm the complete opposite. I want to be surprised everyday in my relationship. It keeps the lust in the love. If Ryan and I are running on lust alone, we're going to feel unloved quickly by one another. Lust is selfish, it's the desires we have in our heart to feel good from another persons actions of love towards us. But love is selfless. Love is a choice and its full of unfairness, bad decisions, forgiveness, cries, and disappointments. But love is also full of joy, peace, laughter, kindness, patience, and understanding. You don't get that stuff with lust. Lust will make you think it's time to move on to the next candidate for your spouse because he/she wasn't loving you enough.
There have been many circumstances in my relationship where I had to choose to love Ryan. I had to choose to love him through disappointments and he had to choose to love me through disappointments. Ryan and I went through counseling and through a 4 month pre-marital class before even getting engaged. I would encourage everyone to go through some sort of counseling prior to engagement. You discover things about one another you may have never found out if it wasn't brought up in an intentional conversation. You learn tools on how to solve conflict with peace. You learn to not sweat the small stuff. You learn whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. Is this the person you want to wake up to everyday in bed with for the rest of your life? Is the person you want to make love with for the rest of your life? Is this the person you want to be the parent of your children? Is this the person you want to laugh with, cry with, and grow old with? Because if it's not, you can get out before you get too far in. Ryan and I took what we felt were good steps in getting to know one another before saying "yes" to one another for forever. I only want to do this marriage one time. Marriage is very sacred to me and I believe that if I'm loving God first and making Him my priority relationship, then Ryan will never feel shortchanged and he'll always feel fulfilled from my end.
My dream is not to have a perfect wedding day, because I know perfect doesn't exist. Fairytale rarely exists. So having little expectations on that day will make for a wonderful day. But my dream is to have a lasting and fulfilling marriage. I already know what that looks like for me and I already know that's what life will be like for me. I want a marriage where I can serve God and serve others with my husband.
There's a great purpose for Ryan and I being together. He's the first man I ever met that I wasn't attracted to first. I was actually turned off because I thought his good looks and his charm were just him picking another girl to "play". I had a horrible image of men for a long time due to some internal struggles of mine. So the thought of Ryan, whom as handsome as he is, choosing me was almost unreal at the time. But I didn't give myself enough credit because come to find out, I'm the perfect match for Ryan. I eventually saw his heart and knew his intentions were good. He was a genuine gentleman, whom later revealed his messy beautiful life with me and when he did, I knew we were meant to serve a purpose together.
We're getting married August 13th of this year. My family from the south will be here up north for a memorial we are doing for my moms sister who passed away earlier this year. It was the perfect time to get married; having my closest family and friends there at the same time. I don't need 6 months or a year to plan anything. I don't have time to stress about decor or the dress. The day will be awesome because I get to say "I Do" to the most amazing gift God gave to me. Without Ryan, Lincoln would not be a part of my life. I can't thank God enough for these gifts He's given me.
We were introduced about a year ago to this awesome book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggrich. Reading it made total sense. It was the best "how to" book for those getting married or those who have been married and feel like things just aren't going the way they'd like them to be. A book married couples should read and include in their planning.
I am so excited to get to love and choose Mr. Ryan Mourice Hunter as his Mrs. Elizabeth Anne Hunter for the rest of our days together. August 13th, let's do this!
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