I never felt more insecure about my body than I did the day I saw those ugly, red stretch marks show up on my body. They were on the back of my legs, underneath both buttocks. They were on each side of my hips. And my breasts looked like a road map with each line representing a new street. I was petrified to see them. I cried like a little girl when I first saw them. "They will never go away" I thought. How could my man be attracted to my body with all its remaining cellulite, stretch marks, and veiny boobs? I could barely look at myself, let alone how could anyone else find me attractive underneath all my clothes?
Swimsuit season will be arriving and they are still more present than ever.Those everyday reminders of my journey of pregnancy with Lincoln. I used to hate them, but I've grown to love and accept them. Instead of demeaning myself for the way my body morphed as I created a human being, I began to embrace my body. I am 3 months postpartum and slowly getting some shape back to my body. It feels good to have a firm abdomen and firm buttocks. But I realize it takes time to get there. It took 9 whole months to stretch my body to make enough room for little man. It's easy to get down on yourself for the way you look though.
Loving myself has always been a challenge. I have so much more to offer the world and those in it aside from my looks, but I have let my image define my happiness so much. There are so many underlying reasons as to why I have struggled with loving myself deeply beyond the outer image I see in the mirror every day. But I was able to overcome my issues with self-love and body image and love my body for its stretch marks, veiny breasts and remaining cellulite. All I had to do was attach a meaning to them. Just like the tattoos that I purposely had embedded onto my skin to which they have their special meanings. But these tattoos (these stretch marks) were a gift! It was the cheapest tattoo I ever had to pay for; they were free!
Those stretch marks reminded me of the moments where I had to slow down, rest often, eat well, and nurture my body because I had a human to grow inside of me. Those stretch marks will forever be a reminder of my little warrior that gave me a purpose in life. Those stretch marks were my bodies way of making room for Lincoln to grow to a healthy size inside of me. Those stretch marks are truly the only thing I have left of him still being a part of me after he entered this world to be on his own.
It took me awhile to embrace my journey of pregnancy. Surprisingly, the bigger my belly grew, the more I fell in love with the journey. I knew the closest I'd ever be to my son was when he was nestled inside of me. That connection is so surreal. I wish for all women that desire to be mothers, that they get to experience that connection. And I wish for all mothers that have stretch marks to embrace their "tattoos" too.
One day I will share these scars and this story with Lincoln. I will share with him how he gave me a tattoo of his love for life. I'm a lucky woman to have these stretch marks. Lincoln's daddy lets me know how much he loves and appreciates me for carrying his child. What more could I ask for? A man that embraces those marks more than I did myself, is a man that truly appreciates Gods miracle of life and the process of bringing life into the world.
So those scars you have, learn to love them. They tell a story of your journey. They remind you of all the hard work you went through to bring life into the world. Children are God's way of telling us that he still believes in us. So those marks are another reminder that God believes in you. He entrusted you to carry his child and bring him/her into this world. What a gift. Embrace those "tattoos". You were especially chosen to have them.
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