I remember how the thought of breastfeeding honestly creeped me out. I couldn't really explain why, but there was something about it that was completely unappealing. Truthfully, I was uneducated on the subject. I didn't care either way if a woman breastfed or formula fed, it makes no difference to me, and since I never planned on having babies I just didn't put the effort into thinking about whether or not I would breastfeed. I also didn't mind at all to see other women doing it, I just didn't think I would want to.
After telling people we were having a baby it was a question that was frequently asked, "well, are you going to breastfeed?" I felt like I was under a microscope and I thought, gosh, I've really got to think about this and make a decision because it seems so important, one way or the other, to so many people. Women who formula fed were big proponents of doing that, women who breastfed were also big proponents of their decision, and the two rarely supported one another.
I knew regardless of what I decided, I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to judge another woman for her decision because these days I desperately try to live and let live. While I might have my feelings and opinions, I realize now that things are sooooooo much easier said than done and what works for some doesn't always work for others. I made the decision that I was going to breastfeed and if I hated it, or didn't have success with it, then I would simply switch to formula and call it a day.
So the time came, I mentioned it in my last blog, and baby Maverick was born and he was ready to chow down. They brought him to me and like a moth to a flame, the kid honed in on the nipple (how could he miss it, the thing appeared to be the size of a helicopter landing pad-another benefit to pregnancy, your areolas get huge and dark-yay), latched no problem, and the process started. I was terrified about the chapped nipple stories I had heard so from the start I was diligent about applying the nipple cream, ALL THE NIPPLE CREAM. After coming home from the hospital and realizing how often babies actually eat, all the nipple cream in the world didn't prevent the soreness, but luckily my sister in law had trusted me with the great responsibility of watching her baby and I had learned all about nipple shields so I was armed and ready. The nipple shields helped A LOT! They soothed the cracks and discomfort, and Maverick seemed to have an easier time eating as well, win, win. I also believe it made his transition to the bottle that much easier too.
Things were going well, baby was eating, I was producing, and after about a week I decided I should start pumping to build a supply and prepare myself for when it was time to go back to work. I invited another one of my sister in law's over and she literally taught me how to pump. She had just had her second baby 3 months earlier so she pretty much knew what she was doing. She also produced more breast milk than I have ever freaking seen so I thought if anyone could show me how to use this crazy looking breast pump machine, she could, and she did. I used the lowest possible setting, while she jacked hers up to full bore (I thought good God, how can she handle that), but now I know you just build a tolerance and get used to it. I remember feeling stoked that I had pumped just below two ounces, while she was over there pumping 8...from each boob...hello lady! And P.S. there is nothing cute about a breastpump, it makes your boobs look crazy, the entire process is comical.
I kept up with it and started building my mini moo fridge of frozen breast milk. I thought, I got this, I'll have plenty of milk stored up, hell I could even go out on the town, have a few cocktails, and be fine to pump and dump...well....not so much. You see, I struggle with chronic migraines, an issue I have had since I was twelve, and bonus, they are hormone related, awesome, so you can imagine post baby, and insanely hormonal, my body was like wwhhhaattt....migraine time! I was lucky enough not to have a migraine the last two trimesters of my pregnancy, and a neurologist had once told me that many women who experience migraines pre baby often no longer get them post baby...he was wrong, and I despise him for putting that thought into my head. My migraines came back with a vengeance. I started getting them several times a week, smells triggered them, the lack of sleep triggered them, my crazy hormones were triggering them...I'm surprised breathing didn't trigger them. At first I did my best to avoid my medication since taking the medication meant 12 hours of no breastfeeding and 12 hours of pumping and dumping. When my mother came to visit it worked out for me not to take my medication because she took care of Maverick while I would lie down for as long as it took the migraine to go away (this sometimes wouldn't be until the next day). As a new mom, this was an absolute nightmare. The supply I had so proudly began building was gone in an instant.
After my mom left, and with daddy back to work, it was just me and baby so when a migraine would come I had no choice but to take my medication so that I could take care of the baby, the house, myself....It broke my heart to take that medication, to pump and dump countless ounces of breast milk down the drain...anyone who has accidentally spilled their breast milk can almost understand what this is like. With my freezer supply just about gone, all the pumping and dumping, I had to start supplementing with formula. For this reason I am so thankful for formula because hello, the baby needs to eat, and if mommy can't give him the milk for 12 hours, and there's no more in the freezer, then this was how it had to be. Thank God my son to this day will pretty much eat anything, so whether it was breast milk or formula he could care less.
I continued this crazy process for almost the entire first year of my son's life. In an effort to lessen the frequency of my migraines, I began acupuncture treatments. Unfortunately it did nothing for me, and the day after a treatment I would always get a migraine. It wasn't until a friend of mine introduced me to essential oils that I finally found some relief. I ordered Young Living Deep Relief and M-Grain essential oil, along with their premium starter kit complete with diffuser, and it changed my life. I still get migraines, but I started using the oils in place of the medication and my migraines were going away! No more pumping and dumping for 12 hours! All I had to do was use a combination of essential oils at the start of my migraine and I could safely breastfeed no problem! It was THRILLING! I was able to build up my freezer supply again and all was right with my world!
So now here I am, at the end of my breastfeeding road. I stuck it out for the full year, through the trials and tribulations, I supplemented when necessary, I breastfed on an airplane (a highlight of travel), and I met my goal. I am so fortunate to have a healthy one year old, and good health doesn't have to come from breast milk, it comes from good mothering and LOVE. The girl who was kind of skeeved by breastfeeding, the girl who didn't think she would be into it, or do it, fell in love with it.
I breastfed my baby for the last time on the morning of March 14, 2016, and in usual mommy Lauren fashion, I cried. I cried because I was going to miss it, tremendously miss it. I miss it now as I am sitting here with cabbage leaves and peppermint oil on my totally engorged boobies that will lose this amazing perkiness by the end of the weekend. I recalled that morning, about how tiny he was when he was born, and I laughed to think of how my boob was bigger than his newborn head, and then I looked down at his toddler body, long and stretched across my lap, and I cried some more, littered him with kisses, and got him dressed and ready for daycare.
I was lucky to be able to breastfeed my son, and I realize that. Many women have a truly difficult time with breastfeeding because let's face it, we are not all created the same and breastfeeding can bring about several issues, or even be impossible for some women, and IT IS HARD ladies, it is a full time job to the full time job's full time job. You are no better or worse of a mom no matter what you chose to do, or what your body, lifestyle, and time will allow, and this is simply my story, and what worked for me. Now go and boob and bottle on....
https://similac.com/end-mommy-wars#video
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