A year ago today I was living the last 24 hours of
my first pregnancy...Holy S%@T...I was about to be a mom for the first time
ever and I was terrified! I was terrified, but I was also excited, scared,
nervous, happy, and a million other feelings I can't seem to put into words. I
started dilating and experiencing contractions the Wednesday before Maverick
was born, and I knew that if I didn't fully go into labor on my own, I was
going to be induced on March 2nd. The entire night before going into the
hospital I didn't sleep at all (BIG MISTAKE, but I couldn’t help it).My OBGYN
assured me I would probably have my baby prior to being induced and she didn't
think I would make it through the weekend...Well, she was wrong, there I was,
on a Sunday night, wide awake, WAITING for it to happen...no dice...
Let me just be honest, my
pregnancy sucked for a long time…It wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops for me,
and I was genuinely pissed about that. So many of my friends and family members
loved being pregnant and never experienced the “ugly” side effects of pregnancy.
I was beyond jealous.
I knew I was pregnant VERY early…I took a test well
before my missed period because I just KNEW it! I bought about 50 dollar store
pregnancy tests (yes, I’m insane) and I woke up on a Saturday morning and took
the test. I left my husband asleep, and clueless, in bed, and I waited…At first
I didn’t see anything, I was literally about to throw the test in the garbage,
but then it started appearing…the faintest pink line of all time (I was so
early in the pregnancy that the hormones were still too low to make that sucker
appear really bold). I freaked out…I actually took out a flashlight and made
sure I was seeing that faint pink line…I practically sprinted out of the
bathroom with nervous excitement and woke my husband up like the house was on
fire waiving the test in his face!
He was STUNNED, he actually
said that the dollar store pregnancy tests aren’t accurate and they’re made in
China, and blablabla (for the record, lots of good stuff is made in China ;-)…I
told him there was no such thing as false positives, only false negatives…He
even took a test himself, and I took two more too…Our science experiment proved
me correct…His, of course, was negative, mine, faintly positive…He joined me in
a bout of nervous laughter and it was on…Our pregnancy wasn’t planned…We were married in March and pregnant in June. I stopped birth control the day after we were married (lost my birthcontrol pills at the reception hall in my purse that was somehow spilled under my table and the only retrieved contents by my mother and sister was my lip gloss and a copy of our wedding vows)…so I decided it was a sign, and I stayed off of them. I had also heard it can take an eternity to get pregnant after being on birth control for so long…Ummmm, no, completely false.
After finding out the news, I took one of my dollar store tests every day for almost 37 days…obsessive much? I watched that line pop up darker and faster every time…For the first few weeks I was soooooo tired, but other than that I felt pretty good. July 4th weekend hit and so did the sickness…the all-day sickness, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, all of it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I felt like I was dying. I thought to myself, this is what people on chemo must feel like, and I am not joking when I say that. The color was completely washed from my face, I had the worst dark circles under my eyes, my lips were chapped from dehydration, I had no energy, I threw up as soon as I rolled out of bed, and continued to do so throughout the day, the nausea was there constantly. I went to the doctor A LOT. I thought there was no way I would be able to have a healthy baby. I wasn’t eating, I couldn’t keep my prenatal vitamin down, I kept having instances of spotting…I was living on crackers and organic ginger ale…LITERALLY. Each visit with the doctor they assured me the heart beat was great and the little sprout was growing, but they were worried about me and so they prescribed Zofran, a highly controversial drug, and one often prescribed to chemo patients for nausea and vomiting, and they also prescribed diclegis, which did nothing. During those times, I hated being pregnant, I swore I would never, and could never, do it again, and I don’t care who thinks that is a terrible thing for me to say, it’s how I felt.
BUT…
By week 16 I FINALLY started to feel normal. In fact, I felt great. I had that pregnancy glow everyone talks about, I was looking good, rocking my little baby belly, eating like I was going to the chair, my hair was bouncin’, and I sang “I’m Walking On Sunshine” to myself and played Christmas music all day every day! Things were looking up…
Then came that glucose test…oh yes, the dreaded glucose test…and I didn’t pass…WTF, I never had issues with my sugar, I honestly eat healthy (doesn’t everyone say that)…even when I eat bad, I eat pretty good (hello dark chocolate antioxidants)…They told me I just barely failed and I had to go back again…so I did, and I “just barely” failed again…so now comes the pricking of the finger and getting my sugar readings 4 times a day and being put on a diabetic diet which legit takes some training to learn to eat that way. Did I mention it was Thanksgiving and Christmas time, MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR, and I had to stare at, and smell, all of the goodness of the holidays and not partake…I realize I don’t know what true torture actually is, but it sure as hell felt like torture to me…The good news is that I kept my numbers great and they told me I was free to cheat every now and then ;-) and although I hated it at the time, the strict diet did keep me from gaining the million pounds I thought for sure I would put on so I suppose that was a bonus (that’s what I told myself).
Here I was, March 1, 2015, FINALLY at the end of my pregnancy, no more finger pricking, no more peeing a thousand times a day & night…no more throwing up, heart burn, gas, yea I said it, GAS (groaning abdominal symptom … I just made that one up), or flatulence, if you want to be pretty about it…no more back aches, no more of the hiccups my son constantly had that kept me awake at night, no more kicks to the rib cage…you would think I would have been excited, and I was, but as much as I was stoked to get him out and meet him, for the first time, I thought I actually liked having him in there…it was the only time in my pregnancy I felt appreciation…Life on the INSIDE, is for the most part, safe…they are always with you and you are protecting them; life on the outside can be daunting because from the second they are born there will be moments and days that they might not be with you and totally out of your control, and so there you have it…I finally appreciated pregnancy, and it was about to be over…
To be continued…
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